Thursday, June 19, 2014

The Top 10 Most Idiotic Nintendo Characters I Know Of

     There are many characters I don't like. Some are annoying. Some are repetitive. Most are very stupid.There are many I've seen who are so entirely atrocious I turn the system off. Here are the top 10 I am aware of:

10.Kaepora Gaebora
Kaepora Gaebora is AWFUL.
He is a curse to LoZ fans all across the planet. I don't think I'm the only one who continuously presses yes to the "do you want me to explain this again" question, unaware of the twenty something paragraphs bound to slowly drag across the TV. Not only that, but it's also telling you these things AFTER you figure them out. He tells you how to throw a bomb after you blow up. Seriously? I can't be the only one irritated by this.
The champion is supposed to be a strategist. An intelligent, powerful leader of the planet's Pokemon, choosing the right team so he or she can stay in the limelight exponentially, sending all kiddies back to their mothers, where they burst into tears(if you don't believe me, try fighting Cynthia). Instead, this wuss and his long, flowing, ugly ponytail are waiting at every turn to tell you how good of a trainer you are, how much he's looking forward to you fighting him. It sorta' makes you think, "wow, this guy must be good"... and then you fight through the Elite 4, strong as ever, to find that somehow they were beaten out of the champion's chair by an ice cream cone. Terrible. His strongest Pokemon, Volcarona, is actually quite easy to kill, and the fact that he's eventually beaten by Iris, another awful trainer(champions aren't supposed to be based on one type) isn't at all surprising.

Viridi is all about the killing of humans, how selfish, annoying, rude, and stupid they are. How they destroy Mother Nature... so she makes exploding plant bombs, "reset bombs". Except for one thing... HUMANS ARE NATURE. If you want to get rid of humans, then talk to Palutena. She can tell you how obnoxious you are and how none of your dialogue is relevant in any way, shape, or form.

I don't know much about Mr.Ressetti, but I can tell you that in SSB, he is, without a doubt, the most useless assist trophy there is. In Animal Crossing, he's supposed to get mad when you reset without saving first. He never stops nagging and bothers pretty much anybody who makes the simple mistake of possibly dropping your system or something innocent like that.  

6.All the Toads

Starfox isn't exactly my forte. In fact, I think Nintendo needs to come up with a couple new franchises not only because they're just milking what they have, but also because this game needs to die. Despite the fact I don't like this game, the average internet surfing gamer must be blind if they don't realize how many annoying,"Get this guy off my tail" memes there are when you simply put in Slippy Toad. The Star Fox crew is supposed to be an elite group. That means a group which doesn't accept obnoxious dorks who can't pilot if their life depended on it. Seriously, get the guy off your own tail or let him shoot you(if I was Slippy, I'd let him shoot me. Yeesh) 
Lissa. What words can I use to describe Lissa... cliche, whiny, weak, useless, weird, USELESS. Okay, maybe I'm wrong on useless for the rest of the game, but that doesn't make her any more useful in the demo or any less irritating. The girl power thing she brings up is one of the dumbest things I've heard, especially when no one has brought up anything to make her say that. No one said you were weak, but it's very clear you aren't going to be fantastic if you bring up girl power unless you're a Powerpuff Girl or something. Then you find out she can only heal you when she's close to you, but she can't fight so you have to come to her. Leave the fight to heal your wounds? You need doctors to come with your soldiers in war so they can keep fighting! Not the other way around!

Ew. Ew ew ew ew ew. Seriously. Who came up with this dude? Is that person sane? Do they have a history with drugs? This is a chubby dude in a tight green... thing. A hooded unitard? Yuck. He's also weird, has a horrible voice, and is determined to be a "forest fairy." I guess forest fairies wear tight costumes, are fat, have nasty facial hair and child-molester-esque voices. 
Hey, listen! I'm about to tell you why Navi's pure torture! Hey, listen! She's obnoxious! Hey, listen! She'll stop your game to tell you something you already know, like Kaepora Gaebora! Hey, listen! She's rude! Hey, listen! She also likes to say, "hey, listen" so much you want to shoot her with a flaming arrow, then step on her lifeless body! 
      1.Sinnoh Rival
 His Pokemon suck. His mother doesn't seem to miss him. He clearly has some sort of ADD or ADHD or he's just always on a sugar high. Well, you're probably thinking, "well, maybe he talks fast." Yes, but not fast enough to where you can ignore the sucky speeches he gives about how he's better than you, how he's going to the next gym, how he's going to be the strongest trainer ever. Then he says, "you know what, I'm going to just sit in the survival zone and pretend my Pokemon are getting stronger." So after all that horrible dialogue, he just decides to wuss out and fight you with his lv. 60's. Thanks for nothing.

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